From the fertile and deranged mind (originally posted on Wednesday) of Andy Borowitz:
Cheney Reminds Bush He Has Pictures of Him Naked
Veep Unlikely to Be Axed, Insiders Say
Minutes after President George W. Bush announced the resignation of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Vice President Dick Cheney reportedly confronted Mr. Bush in the Oval Office and said to his boss, "If you're thinking of firing me, remember, I have those naked pictures of you and that goat."
The precise meaning of the vice president's comment, which has been the source of much speculation inside the Beltway in the last twenty-four hours, remains unclear, but White House aides said that it indicated "a high level of anxiety" on the part Mr. Cheney about his future in the Bush administration.
"The president told [former FEMA chief] Michael Brown that he was doing 'a heckuva job' right before he was axed, and just last week, he said the same thing about Rumsfeld and Cheney," one aide said. "I think that's what made the vice president mention those pictures of him and that goat."
While Mr. Cheney's future in the Bush administration was said to be shaky in recent weeks, reports that the vice president possesses naked pictures of Mr. Bush make his departure "unlikely," insiders say.
Incoming Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Cal) said that she had "no comment" about the possibility that that Mr. Cheney in fact possesses naked pictures of President Bush with a goat, but added, "If he does, it would certainly explain how he's lasted in the job this long."
Elsewhere, Sen. George Allen (R-Va) said that the recount in the Virginia senate race could last until Christmas, "or as I like to call it, Hanukah."
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