Taoism: Shit happens.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens".
Buddhism: It is only an illusion of shit happening.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Islam: If shit happens, is it the will of Allah?
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, Knock, "Shit happens".
Atheism: There is no such thing as shit.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder.
Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?
Televangelism: Send money or shit will happen to you.
Blackism: Fuck all this shit.
... and ethnic diferences:
A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says:
"You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: 'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl'".
The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" - the policeman answers.
"But I am not an American!" - says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?"
The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"
The next day the newspapers say: "Islamic extremist kills American dog. Connections to terrorist networks are being explored"