Thursday, July 13, 2006

Disclosure

This is beginning to sound like a bad therapy session, but please bear with me.

Colmar, a blogger who I have great respect for, stopped by this morning and ripped me a new one on three different posts. His comments, added to those of others, including my partner Kira, have convinced me that yesterday was a really bad day.

I'm caught between feeling humility and a lack of self-confidence. At least one of my subpersonalities thrives on acceptance by others, especially those he respects, and feels lost when he encounters criticism. Another of my subpersonalities, and this one may be a variation of my "higher self," sees all things as opportunities to learn.

So, I want to learn from this experience. Something was deeply awry yesterday, both on the blog and in my regular life -- including a speeding ticket. I want to identify what was happening and why and see what the lesson is.

In fact, I have been feeling out of alignment since returning from Zion last week. It feels like I got outside of my daily grind to such a degree that I cannot get back into the same groove again. So I'm stuck in liminal space, spinning in the wind, and making bad choices for lack of a new framework.

I need to spend some time sitting with all of this and stop trying to participate in the world. There is more going on here than a few dumb blog posts.


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