All that is about to change.
One of my favorite reads back in the day was anything by Christopher Moore. I have his first four or five novels, all of which are laugh-out-loud funny, especially Coyote Blue.
Since I stopped reading, he has published several more novels, on average one a year. Having met him, I'm surprised he is not even more prolific -- a lot of frenetic energy. I hope he has at least ditched the cigarette every ten minutes habit. He literally had to take several smoke breaks during his one hour reading at the store where I worked.
Anyway, he has a new novel and after more than ten years of books, he is finally getting noticed as someone who might be in the same league as Douglas Adams. Here is the review of his new book, from USA Today:
You Suck: A Love Story
By Christopher Moore
William Morrow, 328 pp., $21.95But Christopher Moore's comedic romance/vampire novel does everything but.
It's about San Francisco-based up-and-coming vampires Tommy and Jody, kind of the Lucy and Ricky Ricardo of the bloodsucking set. If they sound familiar, Moore first wrote about them in his 1995 novel, Bloodsucking Fiends.
These newly minted vampires are trying to work out their sleep schedules, get over yearnings for coffee and donuts (vampires can't eat or drink) and enjoying vampire sex. (Apparently sex is much more fun when you're undead.)
They're also learning to quench their blood lust and initially find it easier to feed off a homeless man and his very fat cat. They learn the hard way that it's best to shave a shedding cat before drinking its blood.
You Suck is mostly character-driven, and the plot isn't that important or relevant. Moore seasons the book with a blue-dyed Las Vegas showgirl-turned-prostitute, a Goth teenager named Abby Normal and a posse of turkey-bowling, drug-taking, supermarket-employee losers. It's the perfect companion for those who can't or don't sleep at night — no matter the reason.
This is a laugh-a-page novel that's raunchy and irreverent. Like his other comedic novels —A Dirty Job and The Stupidest Angel—You Suck should only add to Moore's growing cult following.
And here is a bit of the first chapter, which was posted in whole at Moore's website. This scene takes place as one of the two main characters, Tommy, is waking up to the fact that he has been made into a vampire by the other main character, Jody. Tommy doesn't know the rules of being a vampire. By the way, this is the sequel to Bloodsucking Fiends.
Great, she thought, in control once again. She kissed his neck. “How do you feel about it now?”It's time for me to read novels once again. I have a lot of catching up to do.
“Maybe in a minute, I’m starving.” He let go of her and stormed across the loft to the kitchen, where he pulled a burrito out of the freezer, threw it into the microwave, and hit the button, all in one smooth motion.
“You don’t want to eat that,” Jody said.
“Nonsense, it smells great. It’s like every little bean and pork piece is sending out it’s own delicious miasma of flavor vapor.” Tommy used words like “miasma” because he wanted to be a writer. That’s why he’d come to San Francisco in the first place – to take life in big bites and write about it. Oh, and to find a girlfriend.
“Put the burrito down, and back away Tommy,” Jody said. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Ha, that’s cute.” He took a big bite and grinned at her as he chewed.
Five minutes later, because she felt responsible, Jody was helping him clean bits of masticated burrito off the kitchen wall and the front of the refrigerator. “It’s like every bean was storming the gates of repressive digestion to escape.”
“Yeah, well, being refried will do that to you,” Jody said, stroking his hair. “You okay?”
“I’m starving. I need to eat.”
“Not so much eat,” Jody said.
“Oh my God! It’s the hunger. I feel like my insides are caving in on themselves. You should have told me about this.”
She knew how he felt – actually, she had felt worse when it happened to her. At least he knew what was happening to him. “Yeah, sweetie, we’re going to have to make a few adjustments.”
“Well what do I do? What did you do?”
“I mostly fed off of you, remember?”
“You should have thought this through before you killed me. I’m fucked.”
“We’re fucked. Together. Like Romeo and Juliet, only we get to be in a sequel. Very literary, Tommy.”
“Oh, that’s a comfort. I can’t believe you just killed me like that.”
“And turned you into a super-being, thank you very much.”
“Oh crap, there’s burrito spooge all over my new sneakers.”
“You can see in the dark, now,” Jody said cheerfully. “Wanna try it? I’ll get naked. You can look at me in the dark. Naked. You’ll like it.”
“Jody, I’m starving over here.”
She couldn’t believe that he didn’t respond to the naked persuasion. What kind of monster had she created? “Okay, I’ll find you a bug or something.”
“A bug?! A bug!? I’m not eating a bug.”
“I said there’d have to be some adjustments.”
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