Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Seeing Beyond The Unknown

This was the Daily Om from Monday:
Seeing Beyond The Unknown
Fear Of Losing What We Have

One of humanity's biggest fears is losing what we have. It is healthy when fear of loss helps us take steps to protect what we have worked hard to attain, but it is unhealthy to continue to fear something we can do nothing about. We need to remember that focusing our energy on fear can actually create what scares us, and holding tightly to what we have keeps us from participating in the universal flow of abundance and instead creates stagnation. Since we can only really control our thoughts and our responses, gaining proper perspective may be key to conquering such fears.

The letters of the word "fear" can be used to stand for "False Evidence Appearing Real." Fears of being separated from something or someone we feel we need for our security or happiness comes from a delusion-a distorted way of understanding ourselves and the world around us. When we understand that possessions are only representations of the energy at work in our lives, we can shift our attention to the right and proper place. We can stop fearing loss of money or success because when we understand how it is created, we can always create more. We can stop fearing loss of possessions when we realize that they are not the source of our joy or well-being but only icing on our cakes. And when we understand the energy of love, we need not hold anyone too close for fear of losing them for we know that love does not diminish when it is given or shared but expands beyond boundaries of time or space.

By focusing our light on our fears, they are revealed as mere shadows that disappear in the presence of mind and spirit. We can choose instead to direct our thoughts and creative power toward things of true value--love, abundance, peace, passion, and joy. These are energies that are always available to us when we place ourselves confidently in the universal flow of abundance.
Fear of losing what I have, fear of the unknown -- both of these fears tend to keep me in places and situations that I should have long ago walked away from. I stayed in a job I hated a few years back because I was afraid of not finding something better, and because I was afraid of giving up something that was safe (even though I hated it). The evil we know is better than the unknown.

Kira has mentioned elsewhere that she stayed in relationship with me past the point of knowing it was over. I did the same thing. She acted on it first, but when she told me her decision, I felt the truth of it.

A lot of my emotional pain in losing that relationship was about losing the relationship -- it was about my attachment to having a partner, my attachment to that safety and security. "Knowing" that things had stopped working and that the ending was a good thing has forced me to face my attachments in this area.

Facing attachments, facing fears -- for me, this is proving to be the only way to grow and evolve. It's not always easy and it sometimes feels like the hardest thing in the world, but it works. And giving up attachments does not mean that I have to give up those people and things I love.

No longer being in relationship does not mean I have stopped loving her, or that she has stopped loving me. It means that the relationship had stopped working -- for both of us. I would have stayed longer trying to make things better because I have a couple of subpersonalities that avoid change at all cost, and they can keep me from doing what I know needs to be done.

But now that they (the subs) are experiencing the change process as much more of an adventure than a hell, they're on board and -- hopefully -- they will be less reactive and resistant the next time I need to make a change in my life.


Unknown said...

I cannot say that I buy the construct that you have that explains your situation. Certainly, sometimes fear is very appropriate. Sometimes snakes that we see in our path ARE snakes -- and they bite us. Sometimes the paranoid man DOES have somebody following him.

As for this "universal flow of abundance," I am sure that people like Oprah and Tony Robbins are absolutely convinced there is such a thing since THEY are filty rich. Since what they did worked for them, they think/hope it can work for others. But, to me, so long as anvils fall on little girls' heads, I am convinced that disasters await us around corners, too.

But, Bill, my message to you is not "THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING!" You have stepped out of your comfort zone and are required to contend with that fact. But keep your shield and your sword up, just in case.

Also, while it is none of my business, it simply is not fully out of the question that you and Kira might get back together. Heck, stranger things have happened. Don't preclude that option just because it doesn't fit in with the construct/map/chart you are going by. Life is a mystery.

william harryman said...

Hey Tom,

Yeah, I don't really buy into that whole "universal flow of abundance" thing either -- but the essential message remains valid -- we have to see beyond fear when dealing with change.

Even if I am trying to embrace the process, I haven't dropped my guard -- in fact I am probably less trusting than I was -- and that's saying a lot. But I don't think that change is bad or that being thrust into the unknown is a bad thing that I should fear.

Yes, life is a mystery, but right now there is not even a remote chance that Kira and I will reconcile -- and I think I can speak for both of us.


Anonymous said...

Hi Bill,

Been following your blog for a while, so have been reading about your breakup, and was wondering how that was going for you. Im encountering the same thing esssentially now, except it may be more bizarre.

I do agree with ZU, Keep your sword and shield up. I know I am.

william harryman said...

Hi VW,

It could be worse. I'm seeing this as a growth opportunity, so I'm trying to learn my lessons.

Good luck with your situation.


Unknown said...


What motivated me to write what I did was a sense, from what few postings you and Kira wrote that I read, that perhaps blogging had become a bit of a competition between you and her of which of you was least hurt by the break-up. There seemed to be a "race to the bottom." I figure now Kira will post that there is a negative 1% chance that you and her will be together again to beat your 0% chance prediction.

For what it's worth, I am wholly on your side! To hell with Kira! Bill rules!

Make sure your next girlfriend is particularly beautiful such that when you see Kira and Fred [her new significant other] at the mall or in town, somewhere, YOU WIN.