Great satire from the twisted mind of Andy Borowitz:
Ann Coulter Urges Using Nukes in War on Obesity
'We Must Take the Battle to the Lard-asses,' Says Pundit
Conservative pundit Ann Coulter touched off a firestorm of controversy today in a nationally televised interview by urging the United States government to use nuclear weapons in the war on obesity.
Appearing on the program "Fox & Friends" on the Fox News Channel, the wafer-thin darling of the Republican right said that conventional means to wage the war on obesity had failed and that the nuclear option must now be exercised.
"Telling Americans that they have to eat less, or eat fewer fatty foods, or exercise more, clearly isn't working," Ms. Coulter said. "The only way we are going to win the war on obesity is by firing nuclear weapons at the fat people themselves."
Ms. Coulter was less specific about how obese people would be targeted and whether tactical or strategic nuclear weapons should be used, but she was vehement in defending her controversial plan.
"We must take the battle to the lard-asses before they follow us into our kitchens and start raiding our refrigerators," she said.
Ms. Coulter's unprecedented comments about the war on obesity landed her in the Guinness Book of World Records for most consecutive appearances by a television pundit without making a sane remark.
When asked about her impressive string of incendiary outbursts, a Guinness representative offered this analysis: "It's helpful that she always seems to have a book coming out."
Elsewhere, one day after Brad Pitt said he would not marry Angelina Jolie until gay people are allowed to marry, millions of American men gave their girlfriends the same excuse.
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