This is an useful post from Rick Hanson in which he adapts Michelle McDonald's (a senior mindfulness teacher) R.A.I.N. acronym for achieving greater self-awareness. The more we practice this, the less reactive we become, and the less we get emotionally and energetically ensnared by little things.
Can you be with the whole of your psyche?
The Practice: Let it R.A.I.N.
Why?
When you’re young, the territory of the psyche is like a vast estate,
with rolling hills, forests and plains, swamps and meadows. So many
things can be experienced, expressed, wanted, and loved.
But as life goes along, most people pull back from major parts of
their psyche. Perhaps a swamp of sadness was painful, or fumes of toxic
wishes were alarming, or jumping exuberantly in a meadow of joy
irritated a parent into a scolding. Or maybe you saw someone else get in
trouble for feeling, saying, or doing something and you resolved,
consciously or unconsciously, to Stay Away From That Place Forever.
In whatever way it happens, most of us end up by mid-adulthood living
in the gate house, venturing out a bit, but lacking much sense of the
whole estate, the great endowment of the whole psyche. Emotions are shut
down, energetic and erotic wellsprings of vitality are capped, deep
longings are set aside, sub-personalities are shackled and silenced, old
pain and troubles are buried, the roots of reactions – hurt, anger,
feelings of inadequacy – are veiled so we can’t get at them, and we live
at odds with both Nature and our own nature.
Sure, the processes of the psyche need some regulation. Not all
thoughts should be spoken, and not all desires should be acted upon! But
if you suppress, disown, push away, recoil from, or deny major parts of
yourself, then you feel cut off, alienated from
yourself, lacking vital information about what is really going on
inside, no longer at home in your own skin or your own mind – which
feels bad, lowers effectiveness at home and work, fuels interpersonal
issues, and contributes to health problems.
So what can we do? How can we reclaim, use, enjoy, and be at peace
with our whole estate – without being overwhelmed by its occasional
swamps and fumes?
This is where R.A.I.N. comes in.
How?
R.A.I.N. is an acronym developed by Michelle McDonald, a senior mindfulness teacher,
to summarize a powerful way to expand self-awareness. (I’ve adapted it a
bit below, and any flaws in the adaptation are my own, not Michelle’s.)
R = Recognize: Notice that you are experiencing something, such as
irritation at the tone of voice used by your partner, child, or
co-worker. Step back into observation rather than reaction. Without
getting into story, simply name what is present, such as “annoyance,”
“thoughts of being mistreated,” “body firing up,” “hurt,” “wanting to
cry.”
A = Accept (Allow): Acknowledge that your experience is what it is,
even if it’s unpleasant. Be with it without attempting to change it. Try
to have self-compassion instead of self-criticism. Don’t add to the
difficulty by being hard on yourself.
I = Investigate (Inquire): Try to find an attitude of interest,
curiosity, and openness. Not detached intellectual analysis but a gently
engaged exploration, often with a sense of tenderness or friendliness
toward what it finds. Open to other aspects of the experience, such as
softer feelings of hurt under the brittle armor of anger. It’s OK for
your inquiry to be guided by a bit of insight into your own history and
personality, but try to stay close to the raw experience and out of
psychoanalyzing yourself.
N = Not-identify (Not-self): Have a feeling/thought/etc., instead of
being it. Disentangle yourself from the various parts of the experience,
knowing that they are small, fleeting aspects of the totality you are.
See the streaming nature of sights, sounds, thoughts, and other contents
of mind, arising and passing away due mainly to causes that have
nothing to do with you, that are impersonal. Feel the contraction,
stress, and pain that comes from claiming any part of this stream as
“I,” or “me,” or “mine” – and sense the spaciousness and peace that
comes when experiences simply flow.
* * *
R.A.I.N. and related practices of spacious awareness are fundamental
to mental health, and always worth doing in their own right.
Additionally, sometimes they alone enable painful or challenging
contents of mind to dissipate and pass away.
But often it is not enough to simply be with the mind, even in as
profound a way as R.A.I.N. Then we need to work with the mind, by
reducing what’s negative and increasing what’s positive. (It’s also
necessary to work with the mind to build up the inner resources needed
to be with it; being with and working with the mind are not at odds with
each other as some say, but in fact support each other.)
And whatever ways we work with the garden of the mind – pulling weeds
and planting flowers – will be more successful after it R.A.I.N.s.
~ Rick Hanson, Ph.D., is a neuropsychologist and author of Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom (in 22 languages) and Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time (in 9 languages). Founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom and Affiliate of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley,
he’s been an invited speaker at Oxford, Stanford, and Harvard, and
taught in meditation centers worldwide. His work has been featured on
the BBC, NPR, FoxBusiness, Consumer Reports Health, U.S. News and World Report, and O Magazine and he has several audio programs with Sounds True. His weekly e-newsletter - Just One Thing
– has over 40,000 subscribers, and suggests a simple practice each week
that will bring you more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more
peace of mind and heart. If you wish, you can subscribe to Just One Thing here.
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