Satire - Obama Proposes New Tea Control Policy

Some humor from IMAO: Unfair. Unbalanced. Unmedicated.

Obama Proposes New Tea Control Policy

Posted by Harvey on April 16, 2009 at 11:14 am

WASHINGTON (AP) - Responding to the rising threat from right-wing extremist groups, President Barack Obama today proposed a bill that would implement strict controls on the use of tea, a weapon favored by domestic terrorist groups.

Artists conception of crazed, right-wing extremists plotting the violent overthrow of the US government

“One of this country’s founding principles is the right to keep and bear tea,” said Obama, “but with that right comes certain responsibilities. Some radical extremist groups are not living up to their responsibilities, and have used their tea in a criminal and irresponsible manner to disrupt the democratic process and threaten our government offices, our waterways, and even our lawns with acts of criminal tea-dumping.”

The President emphasized that he has no problem with groups that use tea for legitimate purposes.

“Old women, effeminate Brits, and bored housewives who like a cup of chamomile to wash down their Prozac are not the problem,” said Obama. “The problem is that, too often, tea can fall into the wrong hands, and I think that yesterday the whole nation witnessed the tragic results of that. What this country needs is reasonable, common-sense restrictions on tea to ensure the safety of ALL Americans.”

Some of the restrictions proposed by Obama:

* mandatory safety locks on tea cups

* registration of fully automatic teamakers

* halting the sale of boxes of tea that contain more than 10 bags

* requiring permits for carrying concealed tea.

* banning the sale of any tea equipped with a pistol grip, bayonet mount, or flash suppressor

“I believe,” said Obama “that with these few prudent and sensible limitations, we can reduce tea violence in our cities, protect our children from accidental over-caffeination, and halt the uncontrolled flow of our tea into Mexico, all while still fully respecting our Founding Fathers’ admiration for warm, leaf-based beverages that has made this country great for over 200 years.”

Tags: humor, taxes, government, tea, right-wing extremist groups, IMAO: Unfair. Unbalanced. Unmedicated., Barack Obama