Friday, February 06, 2009

Does Ann Coulter Have Opposable Thumbs?

What an excellent and entertaining book review!

Margaret and Helen (Best Friends for Sixty Years and Counting…) is a funny (and sweet) blog. But this review of Ann Coulter's latest moronic screed is the best.

Does Ann Coulter Have Opposable Thumbs?

Margaret, you are the only person for whom I would do this. Reading Ann Coulter’s book is like chewing aspirin without water. I just finished another chapter and I am sitting here wondering if anyone has actually seen Ann using complex tools like a ball point pen or say… I don’t know… a toaster? After reading the 4th chapter of her book I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that she actually doesn’t even have opposable thumbs. I could be wrong, but it is hard to believe that the person who wrote this book is also capable of fine motor skills.

You might have to read these next lines more than once. It is very difficult trying to summarize the logic being used by Coulter in this chapter titled: Witless Witnesses to History. Try typing that 10 times with no opposable thumbs and a size 17 foot in your mouth! I can only assume she was under deadline and needed to fill some pages.

According to Coulter, some Republicans are idiots because they write books calling other Republicans idiots. Now Margaret, help me out here. Ann is calling some Republicans idiots for writing books where they say nasty things about other Republicans, but in this chapter alone Ann trashes about a dozen Republicans for doing this. So doesn’t that make Ann an idiot a dozen times over? I hope you can follow that because I read the whole chapter and I am still confused.

Now if the chapter was written by say - a sloth - then I might understand. But this book is written by a #1 New York Times Bestselling Author. It says so right there on the jacket cover above the picture of Ann. Come to think of it, Ann is not only hiding her feet in that picture, she is also hiding her thumbs. I wonder…

Basically the chapter is making the case that the media loves it when Republicans turn on one another but tends to ignore it when a Democrat turns on a Democrat. I guess Ann never turned on the TV or opened a newspaper during the 100-year war otherwise known as the Clinton-Obama primary elections. Of course turning on a TV and opening a newspaper is more difficult when you don’t have opposable thumbs.

Look folks. This latest chapter is just stupid and I am not going to waste any more time trying to explain it. If you buy the book skip pages 111-135. Ann must have been off her meds while writing them.

And there is another chapter I would like to close as well. That would be the chapter in history where anyone cares what Dick Cheney has to say. I feel bad too because Dick and I are both senior citizens, although at age 103, he now has 20 years on me. You realize, of course, he is now aging in dog years. That happens to you after you pee on the White House lawn a few times.

You know what Dick? Shut the hell up. You had eight years to scare the American people into hysteria so that you could get away with murder. And I use the word murder not to complete an expression, but rather literally. It was an illegal war. If it were up to me we’d throw you in a cell and read Chapter 4 of Ann Coulter’s book to you non-stop.

Sorry I got off-topic there everyone, but you seem to do it all the time in the comments so you can’t hold it against me. Three chapters to go and then we can leave Ms. Coulter behind. Hang in there. I mean it. Really.

There are several more Coulter-related posts over at their blog (Helen is summarizing Ann Coulter’s new book for Margaret so she doesn’t have to buy it herself) - Wow! What a friend.

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