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BREAKING: Zawahiri Dead, Global Warming Suspected
by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 27 Comments
(2008-08-02) — CBS News foreign affairs correspondent Lara Logan, in an exclusive, Friday reported that al Qaeda second-in-command Ayman al-Zawahiri may be dead, and a local Taliban leader blames global warming.
According to a letter from the Taliban official, “Dr. Zawahiri was enjoying a meal when the earth suddenly heated up by several thousand degrees,” said Ms. Logan. “The way it happened makes Al Gore look like a prophet.”
Mr. Zawahiri’s alleged death coincidentally follows a U.S. air strike July 29 during which weapons expert Abu Khabab al-Masri, who went by the nom-de-guerre ‘Shish’, also succumbed to the ravages of climate change.
Qaeda leader Usama bin Laden, allegedly dead himself, could have a tough time finding a replacement for the telegenic, charismatic Mr. Zawahiri, because previous global warming outbreaks that have claimed the lives of many of his mid-level managers.
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