This is an entertaining post from Cracked, riffing on David Levy's contention that we'll be getting a groove on with robots in the not too distant future. Uh, yeah, why exactly would you want to do that?
Go read the rest of the post.7 Troubling Questions About Science’s Pursuit of Robot Sex
by Chris Bucholz
An artificial intelligence expert by the name of David Levy has recently predicted that within the next 40 years, robots will have advanced to the point where they’ll be so similar to humans in appearance and mannerisms that people will have sex with them freely. None of the articles I’ve read state whether Mr. Levy grows agitated and sweaty when discussing this, but I’m going to go ahead and say that yes, he does become agitated, and sweatily aroused when discussing fucking robots, the loose linen pants he prefers doing nothing to conceal his desires. That’s just the kind of reporter I am.
With my baseless slander set aside for the week, I can turn to the hard, turgid issues raised by this concept. This is more than just the sexual equivalent of a batting cage we’re talking about here. Pleasuring spouses is one of the last great American industries to resist out-sourcing, so the concept of robotic labor making inroads into the sector is a grim portent indeed. As it happens, the topic of love making robots came up several times in a series of short, uhh, stories I once wrote on a newsgroup for a popular space travel themed show set where no man has gone before. So I’d already compiled several notes on the subject, which I present below in an exciting enumerated format:
1) Virginity. Right off the bat, here’s a question that needs to be answered: are you still a virgin if you do it with a robot? I never seriously counted my first clumsy experiences with R.O.B. but will future-lads feel the same?
2) Error messages. Unless there’s similar advances in the fields of sugar-coating, the error messages presented by a sexbot are a potential minefield for user relations. You thought you hated the paperclip before?
3) Viruses. At least we’d be safe from old fashioned diseases of the sort typically communicated by Thai-lady-boys. With proper maintenance, (which I don’t encourage you to think about too closely) your chances of catching VD from a sexbot will be fairly minimal. But keeping your robotic lover protected from electronic diseases could be a major headache. Left unguarded, malicious code could be uploaded to your efficient bedtime pal, compromising your personal data. Sure you don’t tattoo your bank PIN number on your dick now, but who knows how banks will work in the future? And how awkward would it be if your robotic paramour clamped down and held your genitals hostage until a ransom was paid? Imagine that happening the day before an important social event. 21st century Jane Austin-esque novelists will have more to say on the subject I’m sure.
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