Saturday, August 04, 2007

Top 10 Ways to Make Life Hard

This is supposed to be a satirical look at how to make your life harder, but these are all valid points. Many of us engage in this kind of thinking on a regular basis without being aware of it.

The Easy Life or the Hard Knock Life?

We notice that some people have an easy life, while others experience life struggles. Why do some have a hard knock life, while for others life is easy? In the very unlikely event that your life is easier than you'd prefer, consider this list of the top ten ways to make life even more difficult.

#10. Look to other people and outside circumstances for your happiness. If your current relationship isn't bringing you the joy and fulfillment you initially envisioned, jettison it and go looking for that one special, magical person who is sure to make you supremely happy. While you're looking, be sure to shop, shop, shop. The stuff you purchase will help you feel good, at least until the credit card bills arrive. But that's another story.

#9. Live for tomorrow. When you retire you'll be able to do everything you've always wanted to do and you're sure to be very happy. Today is certain to be filled with drudgery, so just do what you have to do to get through the day.

#8. Remind yourself every day that the things you need to be happy are in short supply. Love, money, food, and all the other happiness-producing necessities of life are scarce. You'll have to be very competitive and aggressive to get your share. Be ready to fight for everything you want and resist urges to share.

#7. Be especially careful and restrained with your love. Only give love when you get something in return, preferably get more than you give. Be certain your needs are met before, or shortly after, giving loving words or actions to another person. Be clear with other people that you only love them when your conditions are met.

#6. Have very specific, well defined expectations for your life. With all your might, resist anything that appears in your life that is not what you expected. Someone is surely out to get you, as evidenced by the unexpected and unwanted stuff in your life.

#5. You are right. You know how to live the right way. You know what is good, what is bad, what is right, and what is wrong. Everyone with another viewpoint is wrong and it is up to you to make sure they know it.

#4. You are all alone in this experience called life. It is up to you to survive and thrive. No one else cares about you. Ignore all the "woo-woo" talk about God and our connections to each other.

#3. Spend, spend, spend. It may not be easy, but always spend more than you earn. That's what credit cards are for.

#2. Resist all temptation to meditate, reflect, and gain greater self awareness. That "new age" stuff could cancel out the benefits of #3 through #10.

#1. And most importantly, remember that life is supposed to be difficult. If you don't believe life is supposed to be tough, none of the previous 9 tips will be effective. Make sure you affirm the difficulty of life regularly, at least twice a day. If you don't, you might find that life becomes a bit easier and all the work you've put in will be for naught.

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