From The Onion:
Barry Bonds Not Certain He'll Be Present For His 755th Home Run
SAN FRANCISCO—Barry Bonds added his voice to the chorus of criticism surrounding his inevitable breaking of the all-time home-run record Monday, saying he was "so sick and damn tired" with the constant comment that he himself may not be present for the feat. "Hank Aaron, Bud Selig, all these guys making a big deal over whether or not they'll be in the stands when Bonds finally does it—I think I'm starting to know how they feel," Bonds said. "Hell, I don't even like the guy that much. If the team allows me to sit that one out, I just might." Bonds admitted that he would, however, watch the historic moment on television, albeit with the sound off.
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