Thursday, August 31, 2006

Learning How to Fight

[This is cross-posted from the Integral Relationships pod at Zaadz.]

I hope that Kira won't mind me sharing this, but I think it's a crucial part of relationship growth.

When we first got together, we had disagreements and they sometimes even got heated, but we didn't fight. And by fighting I don't mean screaming at each other in some kind of blind rage or calling each other names. That's not fighting so much as it is regression and abuse.

I mean being able to passionately disagree and stay with the fight until resolution emerges. There might be yelling, but no name calling, statements of feelings but not ad hominem attacks.

Whenever Kira and I actually fight instead of pussy-footing around each others feelings, we tend to break through the impass and find resolution and a new ground to our relationship.

Do any of you have experience with this? What are your feelings about fighting and intimacy? Do partners need to have reached a certain developmental level to fight fairly ansd productively, or is this possible for everyone?

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