Happy 4th of, uh, oh hell, Just Read the Post

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MSNBC/Newsweek has been picking up some of Andy Borowitz's work, and that's a good thing.

July 4, 2006 - In a nationally televised Fourth of July address, President George W. Bush stunned the nation by announcing that he was declaring himself independent from the United States Constitution.

“Just as our forefathers threw off the horrible yoke of British rule on July 4, 1776, today I am throwing off the yoke of this truly annoying document,” Bush said.

The president said that the original copy of the Constitution would be auctioned on eBay and that proceeds from that sale would help pay for a “long overdue” cut in the estate tax.

According to White House aides, ever since the Supreme Court decided last week that the use of military tribunals in Guantanamo was unconstitutional Bush had been looking for a way around that decision, even contemplating sending the Justices themselves to Gitmo.

Ultimately, one aide said, the president decided that a declaration of independence from the constitution was the most workable solution: “The fact is, whenever we’re trying to get something done around here, that stupid Constitution gets in the way.”

Bush acknowledged that some legal scholars would call his declaration of independence from the Constitution unconstitutional, but added, “To those people I say, no backsies.”

The president said that while he was no longer required to obey the U.S. Constitution, he still respected the Declaration of Independence, “because it has a really cool treasure map on the back.”

Elsewhere, after his wife and daughter appeared on Iraq’s most-wanted list, former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein demanded that his mother-in-law be put on the list as well.

Is it still funny if it's really kind of true?


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