Sunday, March 19, 2006

Gratitude, Day 11

I reset the date on this post to last night. I was stuck on a plane and could not post my gratitude observation for the day. We were supposed to get into Tucson from D.C. a little after 9 pm. Didn't work out that way.

We left D.C. late in hope that some bad weather in Dallas, where we were supposed to transfer, might move out of the region. When we got to Dallas, the weather was still there, so we circled for a while and then were told to go to Houston. We sat in Houston for about 2 to 3 hours getting refueled and waiting for clearance to head back to Dallas. Got into Dallas well after midnight, facing the chaos of no airline staff trying to sort out thousands of passengers trying to figure out how to get home.

We finally got into Tucson around 2:30 am and I got home at around 3 am, to bed at 4 am. Needless to say, I'm tired. Got a total of about 4 hours sleep.

So here's the thing: a year ago I would have been irate and barely able to contain my rage. I hate when my plans get screwed up. I hate when I have to cancel clients (I had to cancel my whole morning for today). I hate when I have no control over a situation, especially when I feel as if the people in control are miserably incompetent.

Yet I did not get stressed out. I did not yell at anyone. I did not feel like I was going to explode with the anxiety of not being in control.

That's new for me.

I attribute my equanimity in the face of this chaos to the inner work I have done and to my Buddhist practice. I also think the mindfulness day on Thursday helped a bit, too.

So today, or last night anyway, I am grateful for having found a little more calm within myself. It's an amazing thing not to feel as though I am coming unglued in situations where that is normally what I would have felt.

I also know there is SO MUCH more work to do . . . .

I am also grateful for my own bed when I am totally exhausted.

What are you grateful for?
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