Reflections on the 2010 Integral Theory Conference: Part III: My Experience #itc2010

Some awesome integral women at the conference

This is the third installment in my series of reflections on this year's Integral Theory Conference. For this piece, I want to talk a little about my own experience of the conference as an attendee - which may sound a little as though I have consumed the Kool Aid, although if you have read my first two posts (Part I, Part II), you know that is not the case.

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Reflections on the 2010 Integral Theory Conference: Part III: My Experience

I thought the conference was well-organized, well-run, and the facilities were excellent - all of which has a serious impact on how the attendees experience the event. The shuttles were consistent - which is good for me because I was always running a little later than I expected (one more line in a blog post, one more cup of coffee, etc.).

All of the presentations were well-done - although, to be fair, Sean and Mark assigned most of the events I attended and blogged, and they wanted to highlight some of the best work. Maybe some of the other sessions were less interesting or thought-provoking, but I didn't hear that from anyone. Speakers were professional, patient with questions, and more than willing to allow me to quote them in my session reviews (Michele Chase even gave me her powerpoint notes to use - which I will do in a future more extended review of her session).

Before and after the sessions/events, there was always some discussion of the previous session or the next session, or a new idea - that part was awesome. I live in an intellectually isolated part of the world as far as integral is concerned - so the only interaction I get is online. I enjoyed chatting with people (which isn't my nature - but everyone was kind and friendly). Having a sense of community around integral theory is very cool, and very new to me (and from what I here that was the main feel of the first conference in 2008).

There were so many people there who I have only known online - it was wonderful to meet all of these wonderful folks in person, even if it was only briefly. As an introvert - the experience was little overwhelming - 525 people is about 523 more than I am comfortable with, but people were respectful of not being overly friendly.

I didn't do the after hour socializing a whole lot - (1) partly because keeping up with blogging the events was very time-consuming (on an hourly wage basis, Sean and Mark got their money's worth); and (2) there was so much stimulation (remember that I'm introvert) that I needed more downtime to recharge.

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The Integral Masculinity Panel

This was the first time I have ever spoken in front of integrally intelligent people about anything related to integral - so I was a little scared. But I figured there were some other cool sessions going on, so we might get 20 or 30 people and it would not big deal. Well shit, that was a mistake. With Bert Parlee and Diane Hamilton on the panel, as well as Pelle Billing who has many integral friends from the old Zaadz/Gaiam site, I should have been more prepared for the room to fill up to standing room only.

It turned out to be no big deal, which was aided by me being the first member of the panel to introduce myself. After that my customary stage fright was gone and I somehow felt very comfortable - hell, there were several times I seemed to want to talk, which is so unlike me.

I also think that it went better (for me) than I expected because I did some centered meditation and breathing before things got underway. That definitely helped to quiet the pterodactyls in my stomach.

Talking with Pelle on Sunday, we both agreed that the topic was too broad for any kind of focused discussion. We really didn't stay on topic (Farrell and Deida) very much, which is good because I don't see either of those men as integral in a "real world" sense. Farrell in particular seems to be embraced by the integral crowd - or at least by Ken Wilber - but he seems as a someone caught up in an oppositional stand and not really creating any new options for men (but that's probably just my bias).

Anyway, a more productive topic for the next conference will be more focused, for example: masculine gender development, masculinity in a post-postmodern world, parenting our sons with integral values, or any number of other ideas.

My experience of the panel was that we were a little timid, not wanting to step on any toes maybe . . . I don't know. To her credit, Diane brought up masculine shadow in the integral community before anyone else really did. But we really did not spend much time on it, and that would have been a great topic to explore.

In all fairness, this was the first discussion of integral masculinity at the conference, so we had to begin somewhere - and a tentative beginning is better than no beginning at all.

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It's Perspectives, All the Way Up and All the Way Down

One of the very cool things about being surrounded by people with higher stage attainment (at least compared to Tucson) is that I felt my own perspective becoming more open and expansive. That was a very cool state experience to have for 4 days.

Hell, I even found myself thinking about how wounded and hurt Gafni must be - based on what I know of his actions and my "vibe" upon seeing him in person. Clearly, I don't know too much about his personal/private life, but I got a very physical sense of wounding when I saw him for the first time, and more so when I saw him at various other times. It helps temper my sense of him to have taken that perspective - although it does nothing to dissuade me from wanting a public accounting.

Another big thing for me was the sense I had from several speakers that chasing states and stages is not productive (read: harmful to self and development). I had a real sense that some people were advocating a development of depth and compassion wherever we are right now - that was a welcome message compared to what we are exposed to in some of the "official" integral dialogue (for example, Wilber & Cohen in EnlightenNext).

Finally, I was not aware of the degree to which my work/blog is known in the integral community - I have generally seen myself as just a small-time blogger with a few loyal readers. Knowing that this site is more widely known (and with the conference promotion, it has increased a bit over the weekend) challenges me to be more, for lack of a better word, responsible in how I approach issues. I want to be able to offer the most compassionate and open perspectives I can, from right where I am as human being in the moment.

Tags: observations, Integral, conferences, #itc2010, Reflections, 2010, Integral Theory Conference, Part III, My Experience, perspectives, masculinity panel, development, blogging, friends, integral community, compassion