Satire: Cheney Bags First Bald Eagle after Bird's Removal from Endangered Species List

From Unconfirmed Sources:

Cheney Bags First Bald Eagle after Bird's Removal from Endangered Species List

by Dood Abides

Vice President Dick Cheney posing at an undisclosed Wyoming game preserve

Casper, Wyoming (APE) - The White House today announced that Vice President Dick Cheney, mere hours after the bald eagle was officially removed from the endangered species list, became the first to officially bagged one of the majestic raptors. Cheney reportedly bagged the bird, one which had been released from captivity, after the third shot.

Citing the existence of some 10,000 nesting pairs in 48 states, Secretary of the Interior Dirk Kempthorne had hours earlier heralded the removal of the national bird from the United States' list of endangered species.

In honor of the occasion comedian Stephen Colbert had donated his bald eagle named "Little Stephen" whom he had supported the rescue of, to the vice president as a gift. Colbert could not be reached for comment.

Larry Schweiger, spokesman for the National Wildlife Federation angrily protested the vice president's actions, stating, "The Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act and the Migratory Bird Treaty Act still protect the bald eagle, and prohibit killing, selling or otherwise harming eagles, their nests or eggs."

The White House immediately sprang to the defense of the vice president, stating that this particular eagle, since it was captive and under the auspices of the Patriot Act, was not entitled to the legal rights and privileges of American Eagles. In addition, the White House offered that the vice president was an independent branch of the government, and not subject to either federal or local game regulations, and that the bird would not be turned over to any authority even under the threat of subpoena.

The spokesperson concluded by stating that the bird had been plucked and flash frozen at the Wyoming hunting preserve, and would likely find its way to the table for a July 4th holiday dinner at the White House.

Tags: satire, Unconfirmed Sources, Dick Cheney, Bald Eagles, humor, hunting