Thursday, June 07, 2007

Facing My Fears

Today I made a decision that may cost me someone I love very much. But it's the right decision. Still, in doing this, I am forced to face my fears -- the greatest of which is losing the people I love.

I know where the fear comes from -- I was thirteen when my father died. Every major loss since then has been a replay of that original loss in one way or another. In the past, I have allowed the fear to dictate my decisions, but no longer.

I have often stayed in unhealthy situations out of fear. This has been bad for me and for the other person involved. Sometimes I need to distance myself from these kinds of situations, and until now I haven't known how to do it. Still, there is no comfort in knowing I have made the right decision for my life.

But there is a sense of empowerment from having faced down one of my darkest fears. It will be a daily struggle to stick with my decision, but I am committed to being healthy and whole. And this choice offers me (and her) the best chance at having that.


Jazo said...


I think I might be at a similar stage of personal development myself. While it certainly hurts to lose someone special to you, I agree that it is very important to be confident both with yourself and with the idea of moving away from a relationship that is unhealthy for yourself and/or your partner.

Good luck brother.

william harryman said...

Hi James,

I didn't actually end things, I just had to remove myself from the situation as it currently exists. It was making me crazy and enabling her to avoid making some tough choices -- not healthy for either of us.

But you're right -- it's important to be strong enough to say "this isn't working for me." Sometimes we have be willing to lose those we love in order to make space for them in our lives.

Good luck to you, too.


Anonymous said...

Just found your blog online. I'm wondering what ever ended up happening with this situation? What you were going through touched me, I hope it went the way you wanted it to.

william harryman said...


didn't work out the way I wanted at the time, but in the end I am much better off - met someone new a few months later who I am still with, and very happy

sometimes we get what we need, not so much what we want, to paraphrase the Stones