A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden.A very good friend of mine is dealing with the fallout from her childhood. Her family was not one filled with love and support. It was brutal in more ways than any child should have to endure.
~ Buddha
For whatever reason, she has allowed me to be a witness to her pain, which is considerable right now.
Despite everything she has been through, she is a shining light of a person. She is someone who cares, who is learning to feel deeply, and who has the tender heart that some of us have been working to find within ourselves. And by "us," I mean me.
As I have seen her struggle to come to terms with what has happened to her, and seen the pain she is feeling, I also feel that she is proof that no matter what has happened to us, we can face it and heal from it. I don't think she sees that yet, but I do.
And I also know that she is fortunate, as was I in my own version of healing, that she has whatever inner strength it is that allows us fragile creatures to endure hardship and find a way through it. I have seen what happens when that isn't the case. My sister died because she didn't have that strength.
I have been fortunate in my life to know several women who have suffered horrific childhoods and found ways to heal from that damage, so I know it is possible. In comparison, my own history is not worth whining about -- and yet I know that it is all relative to our experience of ourselves.
Families are a strange thing. Some people believe that we choose our families before birth for the lessons that we might learn. I don't hold that view. Yet I see how much of who we become as adults is shaped by our experiences with our families. And I see how that wounding all of us suffer to a lesser or greater degree provides the foundation for the lessons we have to learn in this lifetime.
I've written before that our deepest wounds can become our greatest gift to the world. I don't know what my friend's gift to the world will be, but I do know that her gift to me has been to allow me to be her friend. I am seeing in myself new possibilities that I had not seen before.
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5 comments:
Shalom William
I really enjoyed reading this post because it struck home in more than one way. I suppose another reason I've connected to this post is because it's a topic that's been on my mind and is something I myself have written about recently. I looked at it from a slightly different angle but think we pretty much come to the same conclusion, that being the importance of not buying into our story so much and humbling ourselves before others. Childhood suffering is such a difficult issue because they make an individual fill isolated and alone but the truth of it is practically no one makes it into adulthood without being scarred. Something I'm beginning to realize is that if one is to survive such a past here she must be able to extract a positive meaning which can be integrated into the present and carried forward.
Anyhow I'm rambling so I'll wrap it up here but thanks again for sharing this post.
Be well
TikkunGer
PS if you're interested in my recent post on the topic it can be found here.
Life Is Teshuvah Plain and Simple
I'm quite certain that the quote you opened with is not from Buddha. Believe it or not, some traditions value integrity ... yuppie-dumb is not of that type.
Why must new-agers be so averse to intellectual rigour? It's like dealing with Amway.
No one is making you read this blog, Ben. And I won't debate what the Buddha may or may not have said with you -- it's impossible to know that any more than it is possible to know what Jesus said.
New Age? Try reading more than one post.
Peace,
Bill
To bring the comments back to your lady friend. I would like to second the comments of bill in that we are thinking of you and offering our hope that you make it to the other side of this experience stronger, wiser and maybe even happier.
Erica
Thanks, Erica!
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