Sunday, October 01, 2006

Aftermath, Part Four: Approaching a Heart-Centered Life


I think the Kosmos is trying to tell me something this morning. Both my Daily Om horoscope and Sogyal Rinpoche's Rigpa Glimpse of the Day are on the topic of heart-centered compassion. And both relate to something I had been thinking about in the shower, before I turned on my computer.

First, this is from today's Taurus horoscope:
Using our hearts to understand others allows us to suspend our judgmental thoughts and instead become open to new ideas. When we interact with others, it is easy for us to let our mind create its own meaning about another person’s ideas. Our critical selves tend to conjure up ideas that might not always be relevant to what someone else is saying, let alone needs. Hearing with our hearts, however, connects us to a deeper aspect of ourselves that helps us open up to a more inclusive picture of a situation. By letting your heart hear for you, you will identify with others’ wishes and find the middle ground more easily today.
And this is from Sogyal Rinpoche:
You can have no greater ally in the war against your greatest enemy, your own self-grasping and self-cherishing, than the practice of compassion. It is compassion, dedicating ourselves to others, taking on their suffering instead of cherishing ourselves, that, hand in hand with the wisdom of egolessness, destroys most effectively and most completely that ancient attachment to a false self that has been the cause of our endless wandering in samsara. That is why in our tradition we see compassion as the source and essence of enlightenment and the heart of enlightened activity.
This is one of the areas where I failed in my relationship with Kira. It's extremely hard for me to listen with my heart, especially in conflict. My first inclination is always to go away inside my head. The really stupid thing, and I was already thinking about this before reading those emails, is that I am better at listening with my heart when I am consistent with my meditation practice.

For the past couple of months, I have slacked off on that -- a lot. I most need to spend time sitting when my life is in turmoil -- and that's when I am least likely to do it. I have really cut back on my dharma reading so that I can read more poetry. There's something wrong with the idea that I have to starve one area of my life to feed another.

I want to be less attached to ego needs. I want to be less reactive and intellectual in my next relationship. I want to be more heart-centered in how I listen to people. I want to be more compassionate with everyone, not just with the next person with whom I fall in love.

I've had three long-term, serious relationships in my adult life, and each one has brought me a different set of lessons. And each time, those lessons have been of a higher order than the last time. My relationship with Kira has been the most profoundly transformative time in my life. She provided a loving space that allowed me to grow into myself as a person -- for that, and so many other things, I will always be grateful.

As much as I grew during those years, it just laid the groundwork for the next stage. My next task is to reclaim my fourth and fifth chakras (heart and throat) and to join their energies. In relationships, I need to engage the heart center before I engage the throat center. In my writing, I want to learn to unite those two centers in my poetry (more on this in a future post).

That all may sound woo-woo, especially for me. Right now, I'm just following the trail as best I can -- and it's taking me into new territory. It's probably a labyrinth, and I'll likely make some wrong turns -- it's hard to know from ground level. But we learn by going where we have to go.


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