Read more.Sharon Salzberg: Compassion in the City
By Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.
Recently, I had the distinct privilege of sitting down with Sharon Salzberg, one of the pioneers in introducing Buddhist practices to the West. Based on her experiences of teaching mindfulness and compassion (i.e., loving-kindness) around the world, I invited her to comment on introducing these practices to many of our common urban experiences. Personally, it was delightful and enlightening to meet with her, and I am very grateful for her insights and support. Over the past 10 years, I have often relied on her teachings for my own spiritual and personal growth.
For more information on Sharon please check out the details at the end of the interview.
Congestion and Aggravation
Jon: Thanks so much for meeting with me today. In the city, we encounter many unique difficulties and challenges to mindfulness practice. Given your expertise and teachings on loving-kindness, I wonder about your reflections of being in some of these situations. For example, it’s easy to get annoyed and frustrated by the congestion we experience, like when we’re riding a crowded subway train. In such circumstances, how can we practice compassion?
Sharon: Well, part of it is having compassion for ourselves and realizing that we’re living like a sponge: we’re just absorbing all of the difficulty and annoyance and irritants. Eventually, it will fill us and take over our consciousness. Alternatively, we can experience it genuinely, but with a lot more spaciousness by not taking these things to heart. Practicing compassion for oneself is being able to be fluid in these situations. You can feel the annoyance like a storm moving through you and just let it go. Motivated by curiosity and a sense of our own well-being, we also can decide that we’re going to experiment with a new way of engaging people. Today, I was riding an elevator and someone had a rambunctious dog. At every floor, the elevator stopped and more people got on, until it was very crowded. As more people came into the elevator, I could conduct an experiment. I could ask, “Am I going to relate to these people in a friendly manner or am I going to glare at them with an ‘It’s crowded enough in here!’ stare?” We tell ourselves that we’re going to smile at the people in the elevator, ask the cab driver where he’s from, whatever it might be. It changes the day.
Noisy Neighbors
Jon: Sometimes, we can get to the point of personalizing our anger or annoyance, like with a noisy neighbor or intractable people on the co-op board. How do you suggest that we approach these situations, in which we’ve personified our inability to have our desires met?
Sharon: In Tibetan Buddhism, they say that anger is the thing that we pick-up when we feel weak because we think it’s going to make us feel strong. So, another aspect of this situation classically, is to investigate whether or not it really makes us feel strong. If so, how long does that last? We use mindfulness to look at the annoyance or anger and see whether or not this will really help me get what I want. Perhaps, there are more skillful ways of communicating in order to get our needs met. Some people think that if you’re practicing mindfulness, then you’re passive and don’t object to the noisy neighbor or unjust treatment. But it does not mean that either. But hopefully, you come from a different place when you take action.
Read the rest.Sharon Salzberg: Compassion in the City (Part 2)
By Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.
In the spring, I sat down with Sharon Salzberg who graciously shared her wisdom about practicing mindfulness, compassion, and gratitude in the city. Here is Part 2 of the interview, in which she discusses dealing with two realities of our urban existence, (1) encountering homeless people and (2) being barraged by noise. For Part 1 of the interview, please click here: Compassion in the City, Part 1. For more information on Sharon, please check out her bio. at the end of the interview or visit her website: Sharon Salzberg.
This weekend, Sharon is co-leading a workshop with Robert Thurman at the Tibet House retreat in the Catskills! For more information, just click here: Working with Your Enemies. She also is co-leading a weekend workshop at Tibet House in November on mindfulness and awareness: Healing Power of Awareness.
Homelessness
Jonathan: What about being and being with homeless people in the city?
Sharon: It’s a rare and precious thing to be close to suffering because our society—in many ways—tells us that suffering is wrong. If it’s our own suffering, we try to hide it or isolate ourselves. If others are suffering, we’re taught to put them away somewhere so we don’t have to see it. Ironically, in that situation, our own feeling of helplessness or powerlessness can start taking center stage compared to this person and his or her circumstances. So, I really believe in small good deeds. It may seem small and inconsequential in the moment, but I really think that this is how the world changes. It might mean smiling or looking someone in the eye or paying attention to our own reactions or judgments. It may not be that you can solve their housing issue or address the housing policies of the city, but you can be there with them. Human recognition is a very significant thing, and certainly fits our efforts in a more comprehensive way. This person is not an object. This person is a person.
Jonathan: I wonder what would happen if we could all adopt that perspective.
Sharon: We tend to have a very linear sense and a lot of impatience, especially in the city. It’s very hard to tell ourselves, “Okay, I didn’t see an immediate fruition of my action; therefore it’s still worth doing.” [Laughs] We like things to manifest right away, and they may not. Many times, we’re just planting a seed and we don’t know exactly how it is going to come to fruition. It’s hard for us to realize that what we see in front of us might not be the end of the story.
Alarms and Sirens
Jonathan: Car Alarms?
Sharon: It’s a good signal to see if you’re really stressed. Are you having a significant reaction? If so, you might need a break. My friend Joseph Goldstein took a resolve to be mindful when he brushed his teeth. The first thing he noticed was how tightly he was holding on to the toothbrush, as if it were a jackhammer about to leap out of his hand and cut-off his head. He realized that he might be applying inappropriate energy to a lot of things, like shoving against a door or holding something too tightly. It became a whole avenue of exploration for him. As soon as we realize these things, we know that our systems are on overload. Maybe we can relax a little bit. Instead of watching the 80th episode of Law and Order, maybe we should just breathe.
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