Funny Words of Wisdom
- If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
- My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
- It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
- No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
- A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
- Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
- Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
- Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
- Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
- When you eat a candy bar or have a wonderful dessert, have a diet drink. The calories are cancelled out by the diet drink.
- I love deadlines...especially the 'whooshing' sound they make as they fly by.
- When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
- What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
- The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
- How can there be self-help "groups"?
- Is there another word for 'synonym'?
- The speed of time is one-second per second.
- Is it possible to be totally partial?
- What is another word for 'thesaurus'?
- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
- It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
- Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
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