Satire: Bush Postpones Thinking about Iraq Until 2009

From the fertile mind of Andy Borowitz.

Bush Postpones Thinking about Iraq Until 2009

Says Thinking Would Send ‘Wrong Message’ to Enemy

Saying that it was too early to assess whether the surge of additional troops into Baghdad was improving the security situation in the capital city, President George W. Bush said today he would postpone thinking about Iraq until 2009.

While congressional Democrats have urged the president to start thinking about Iraq now, the president said that setting a timetable for thinking about the war would send the “wrong message” to the insurgents.

“Thinking about the war in Iraq is exactly what the insurgents want us to do,” Mr. Bush told reporters. “By saying that we are giving the war in Iraq a thoughtful assessment, we would be playing directly into the evildoers’ hands.”

The president also lashed out at the Democrats in congress for spending “untold hours” thinking about the war and argued that “excessive thinking” about Iraq would undermine the position of the U.S. troops there.

“The best thing we can do to support the troops is to not think about them,” the president said.

But just hours after Mr. Bush made his announcement, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Cal) urged the president to set a firm deadline for thinking about the war, arguing that the 2009 date was “too late.”

“For one thing, by 2009 he’ll be out of office,” Rep. Pelosi said.

Later in the day, however, the president rebuffed the Speaker’s request, telling reporters, “There she goes – thinking again.”

Elsewhere, Alec Baldwin explained his decision to leave the cast of the NBC sitcom “30 Rock,” saying he wanted to spend more time berating his family.

Tags: satire, Andy Borowitz, Iraq War, George Bush, humor