Thursday, March 15, 2007

Satire: Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Confesses, and Wants His Fingers Back

From Unconfirmed Sources:

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed confesses, and wants his fingers back

by Walid

Enjoys his time at Guantanamo Bay
Enjoys his time at Guantanamo Bay
WASHINGTON (UCS News) -- Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the suspected mastermind of the September 11, 2001, terror attacks, admitted to those attacks and numerous others during a U.S. military hearing on Saturday. After his confession he requested that his interrogators return six missing fingers and remove the electrodes from is testicles.

In a statement from him, read by a U.S. military representative, he said, "I was responsible for the 9/11 operation, from A to Z." The transcript continues with the list of operations he was responsible for, including the Richard Reid shoe bomber attempt to blow up an airliner over the Atlantic Ocean, the Bali nightclub bombing in Indonesia, Rudolph Giuliani's second divorce, the US failure in Iraq, E.Coli poison outbreaks in Spinach and the shocking conditions found at Walter Reed army medical center.

The list of some 29 operations he was responsible for is followed by a shorter list of operations he was partially responsible for, including an assassination attempt against then-Pope John Paul II while he was visiting the Philippines.

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed admitted that he timed the release of his confession to help bolster the sagging poll numbers of President George W. Bush. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed also stated that he has been tortured nearly every day since he arrived at the Guantanamo Bay detainment camp.

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