Friday, February 16, 2007

The Days After Valentine's Day

I liked this post from The Art of Intimacy:
Although Valentine's Day has come and gone and won't be back for another year, it may be a nice idea to remind ourselves that just because the other 364 days of the years aren't specifically designed for a romance, it certainly does not mean we can't keep our relationships nurtured and nourished.

It may be unrealistic to have every day of the year as romantic as Valentine's day and we certainly don't need to go overboard by trying to make it so, but we also don't want to forget that one day of the year is not enough romance to keep a relationship alive and vibrant.

Keep in mind the beauty and intimacy that comes from attending to your relationship. Notice how the relationship has a sense of vibrancy and life as we take the time to reflect on the love we hold for our partner.

This doesn't mean we need to constantly purchase gifts, or go out to a special restaurant each week. It does mean we need to focus on the relationship and invest our time and energy to keep it healthy.

While, the intensity of romance and intimacy wanes or grows, keep in mind the strength and depth that come when focus and attention are given to your intimate relationship.

Love grows when we provide it with the energy and light it requires.
A healthy relationship exists because the people involved put their intention toward making it so. It becomes its own entity with with its own energy and flow. Each partner contributes to that energy, but the relationship is more than the sum of each person's intention.

Does that make sense? Probably not. . . . Still, my sense is that our relationships take on a life of their own when we nurture them and support them. In return, the energy of the relationship can nurture and support us.

Especially in the beginning, we find exactly what we need in the other person -- as though the Kosmos selected this person just for us. Our needs and desires get met and we have an opportunity to heal old wounds.

As the relationship matures, we can still have this dynamic -- though never quite so intensely again -- and we can still heal old shadow wounds. Which is the hard part of relationship -- our partners will eventually push our buttons and find our soft spots. At this point, we either face our issues and heal them or the relationship suffers.

One great way to deal with this element in relationship is to not lose sight of the romance. I think this is why I liked the post above. She doesn't look so much at the hard stuff, but she reminds us to stay focused on the good stuff throughout the year, rather than only on one silly day. It's up to us to keep the relationship healthy and vital, the nourish with our intention.

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