Saturday, August 26, 2006

Resilience and Change

When Kira and I visited Bryce Canyon and Zion National Park last month, one of the things that amazed me was the ways trees could survive with such a tenuous hold in the rocks. In both of these parks, rock was the rule for the surface terrain, yet all kinds of vegetation, especially trees, managed to thrive in such a harsh environment.

Life is so resilient. It really helps to experience some of that truth from time to time.

When we made that trip, I was feeling vaguely dissatisfied with my life. Going away for that weekend wasn't really planned, but I felt a need to get out of town, so we did it. When we came back home I felt even more unsettled.

What is becoming more and more clear to me is that I need more from my life than I have been allowing myself to have. And I need more of a connection to earth energy, creativity, cycles. I act as though I don't have access to the nurturance I need to have a bigger and more expansive life.

All the while, everything I need is right here: within me, around me, in the people I know, in my relationships both intimate and casual. In the same way that these trees make use of every possible nutrient to stay alive in the midst of an environment that seems inhospitable, I need to do the same -- and I have far more sources to meet my needs.

I am reminded of a fairly cliche plaque a friend gave me once many years ago:
Sometimes I go about pitying myself and all the time
I am being carried on great winds across the sky.
~ Chippewa Indian
Very true.

I am still dissatisfied with my life, but I am starting to see ways that it can be more expansive. I am transforming the way I train my clients in ways that feel more integrated to me and more helpful to them. I am trying to reconnect with creativity through Elegant Thorn Review. And as Kira and I work on the outline of a relationships workshop we plan to lead, our relationship becomes deeper and more connected through the material we study.

There are many more ways to cope with this evolution of my purpose -- not least of which is trying to stay in touch with the process as it emerges -- but writing about it helps to clarify the direction I am going and where I need to go next.

So I hope to get back to the kind of blogging I was doing last spring when my last cycle of emergence was unfolding.

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