Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Satire: Pesky Senators, Pesky Judges

From the warped mind of Andy Borowitz:

Pesky Senators, Pesky Judges

The president finds a new way to deal with the Senate Judiciary Committee and the U.S. Supreme Court.

By Andy Borowitz
Updated: 3:26 p.m. MT April 10, 2007

April 10, 2007 - In a move that seems guaranteed to create more controversy for his embattled administration, President George W. Bush today fired the entire Senate Judiciary Committee.

Critics were quick to question the timing of the president’s decision, coming as it did just days before Attorney General Alberto Gonzales’s scheduled appearance before the Senate panel on Thursday.

But in a briefing with the White House press corps today, Bush insisted that the mass sacking of the Senate Judiciary Committee had “nothing to do with” Mr. Gonzales’s impending appearance.

“I just thought these folks needed to spend more time with their families,” the president said. “Especially that bastard Ted Kennedy.”

Immediately after Bush announced his decision, members of the Senate Judiciary Committee cried foul, arguing that the president has no constitutional authority to fire members of the U.S. Senate.

But Bush was quick to shoot back, telling reporters, “The only people who can determine what is constitutional and what is not is the U.S. Supreme Court, and as of today, I have decided to can them, too.”

With the sudden increase in the volume of firings coming out of the White House, insiders have wondered whether Bush intends to do all of the sacking himself or whether he would seek additional help to share the workload.

Bush seemed to answer that question today, when he appointed a new “special assistant to the President”: billionaire Donald Trump.

Elsewhere, scientists say that they are on the verge of inventing the first “memory pill,” which could enable former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani’s wife to remember all of her previous marriages.

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