Thursday, March 15, 2007

Satire: Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Confesses, and Wants His Fingers Back

From Unconfirmed Sources:

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed confesses, and wants his fingers back

by Walid

Enjoys his time at Guantanamo Bay
Enjoys his time at Guantanamo Bay
WASHINGTON (UCS News) -- Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the suspected mastermind of the September 11, 2001, terror attacks, admitted to those attacks and numerous others during a U.S. military hearing on Saturday. After his confession he requested that his interrogators return six missing fingers and remove the electrodes from is testicles.

In a statement from him, read by a U.S. military representative, he said, "I was responsible for the 9/11 operation, from A to Z." The transcript continues with the list of operations he was responsible for, including the Richard Reid shoe bomber attempt to blow up an airliner over the Atlantic Ocean, the Bali nightclub bombing in Indonesia, Rudolph Giuliani's second divorce, the US failure in Iraq, E.Coli poison outbreaks in Spinach and the shocking conditions found at Walter Reed army medical center.

The list of some 29 operations he was responsible for is followed by a shorter list of operations he was partially responsible for, including an assassination attempt against then-Pope John Paul II while he was visiting the Philippines.

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed admitted that he timed the release of his confession to help bolster the sagging poll numbers of President George W. Bush. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed also stated that he has been tortured nearly every day since he arrived at the Guantanamo Bay detainment camp.


Anonymous said...

Is this sudden 911 confession stuff related to the release of this new 911 Video?

judge for yourself

Truth Surge

Anonymous said...

I'll bet KSM was involved in the Boston Brinks Robbery of the 1950's!

Poseidon said...

Our leaders have branched out into comedy. A hapless Muslim, held prisoner at Guantanamo, who was only able to last between two and two and a half minutes when subjected to "waterboarding", confesses to everything ordered by his interrogators. When asked whether anything he said was as a result of torture, his reply is deleted from the transcript; when asked again, he says he was not subjected to any threats, duress or pressure.

The perpetrators of 9/11 must insist that regular office compartment fires can melt tons of structural steel and partly boil steel members in a skyscraper that was not even hit by a plane. The crooks must assert that Islamic fundamentalists are prone to drinking, gambling, visiting strip bars, and speculating on stock options of companies involved in airlines, reinsurance, financial services, weapons manufacturing, etc. The genocidal Mafia that plotted 9/11 must claim that no one had ever conceived that terrorists might use planes as guided missiles when in fact this had been widely known for years since the "Bojinka plot" and in March 2001 the Fox TV network had aired an X-Files spin-off that involved a US government plot to crash a hijacked Boeing into the World Trade Center, that "suicide hijackers" were simultaneously so skilled that they knew how to turn off an aircraft transponder - but still flunked a chance to fly a Cessna at a flight school and practised piloting a Boeing 757 or 767 with an Arabic language flight training manual on the way to the airport, that airport, train and bus video cameras mysteriously fail whenever Islamic hijackers or bombers are on the job, that it was just coincidence that Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu's father Benzion was secretary to Ze'ev "Vladimir" Jabotinsky, who founded the Zionist terrorist movement that played an important part in the creation of Israel (e.g. King David hotel bombing, conspiracy to assassinate British foreign secretary Ernest Bevin), or that Bibi was a unit team leader in Sayeret Matkal, an elite special forces unit of the Israeli Defense Force, and just happened to be in New York City in the morning of 9/11 and in London on the morning of the 7/7 attacks (having received advance warning), and is a close friend of Larry Silverstein who, along with Zionist billionaire and "Holocaust survivor" Frank Lowy, just happened to have taken over the World Trade Center lease and ensured the Towers were insured for billions of dollars against terrorist attacks within six weeks of 9/11. And the tin-foil crackpots hold that it was just a coincidence that Rabbi Dov Zakheim had access to Boeings and to the very Flight Termination System incorporating a Command Transmitter that was capable of electronically hijacking a plane and crashing it into a building, no suicide or Cessna drop-out pilots required. Another spooky coincidence concerned the massive Israeli spy-ring that was busted around the time of the attacks, and the five "dancing Israelis" caught celebrating and filming the burning Towers, whilst in possession of foreign passports, box cutters, $4,700 cash hidden in a sock, and a van that tested positive for traces of explosives.

It is sometimes amusing to see the tangled hoops that the Likud party tries to jump through, claiming that its only wish is for peace, but it is thwarted by Palestinian "terrorists", "dictatorial Arab regimes", "Muslim fundamentalism and nazism", etc. When they quote the Tehran Times' (2002) compilation of evidence that Israel did 9/11, the Likudniks actually do a pretty good job of proving the Iranians are very much in touch with reality. As Benjamin Netanyahu wrote in his book Terrorism: How The West Can Win, "terrorism is simply too tempting a weapon to be forsaken". That applies equally to those purporting to be part of a "war on terror".

Those who have lost loved ones in the attacks attempt to believe in the Zionist-concocted 'reality', but clearly have a hard time imagining how terrorists could be so lucky and governments so inept.

Suppose there is a middle-aged lady, who has been happily married for 29 years. The first husband dies or disappears, and husband number two takes out a massive $3+ billion insurance policy on her life. It is subsequently found that the first husband's removal from the scene is linked to a friend and business partner of the new husband. A mere six weeks later, the lady dies in mysterious circumstances in an accident that would not be fatal unless the laws of physics, chemistry and biology were revised - e.g., a small piece of cardboard falls on her head from a height of one foot. Any detective worth their salt should be suspicious, to say the least.

Bullet wounds to the chest are then discovered, and five assassins - who are linked to husband #2 and his associates - are arrested after being found dancing and celebrating with high fives and with traces of gunpowder on their fingers. "Ah", the skeptics cry, "a human body is comprised of some highly reactive elements. You have potassium, sodium, calcium, magnesium, iron, plenty of water, and oxygen in the air. Moreover, the body is heated to about twenty degrees above ambient. Isn't it quite possible that some sort of exothermic reaction occurred, forming the observed bullet holes?" The skeptics then conclude that the death was due to natural causes, after her head was hit by a piece of cardboard at 5 mph. Everyone else marks them down as kooks.

In short, the official 9/11 conspiracy theory - and the criminals' defense - is based on junk science, junk psychology, junk logic, junk math, junk history, and junk politics. And for "junk", read "Khazar".