Friday, December 01, 2006

Old Humor -- Sh!t Happens

This old piece has come around again, but I hadn't seen it in a while so here ya go. What can I say -- it's Friday and it's been a long week.
Religion Differences

Taoism: Shit happens.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens".
Buddhism: It is only an illusion of shit happening.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Islam: If shit happens, is it the will of Allah?
Jehovah's Witnesses: Knock, Knock, "Shit happens".
Atheism: There is no such thing as shit.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder.
Catholicism: If shit happens, I deserve it.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?
Televangelism: Send money or shit will happen to you.
Blackism: Fuck all this shit.

... and ethnic diferences:

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says:
"You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: 'Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl'".
The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" - the policeman answers.
"But I am not an American!" - says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?"
The man says: "I am a Pakistani!"
The next day the newspapers say: "Islamic extremist kills American dog. Connections to terrorist networks are being explored"


JMP said...

What is it in integralism, Bill?

Maybe (at the end of the list)...

Integralism: All of the above shit, in levels of decreasing shittiness.

william harryman said...


All shit is true but partial.


Shit looks different depending on your altitude.


All shit must be viewed from both the individual and collective perspectives and from the interior as well as the exterior experience of the stink.

Any other ideas?