Friday, September 29, 2006

When Things Fall Apart

When things fall apart and we're on the verge of we know not what, the test for each of us is to stay on that brink and not concretize. The spiritual journey is not about heaven and finally getting to a place that's really swell.

~ Pema Chodron

Strangely enough, a little over a year ago I began a book on this very topic. I stopped writing at the time because I didn't feel I understood the process well enough. So life brings me a firsthand lesson. Be careful what you wish for.

I'll have more to say on this in the coming days and weeks, including some material from the manuscript.


Zorro said...

Where yoiu are is such a paradox , its the greatest learning phase you will ever have but that thing about learning through suffering is where to find thr truth. About 8 years ago I won sole custody of the my two children from my first marriage, its unusual for a dad to achieve this but the court thought the issues were so compelling that the judge refused to proceed with the case and awarded me custody almost on the first day of the hearing. Sufficient to say this wasnt your average custody case and there were compelling reasons for this to happen.

Three weeks after the children arrived my second wife having not coped with the pressure of the case ran away with a wealthy secret lover and left me with our child . So I ended up with 3 children under 12 all by myself.

I can never tell you the pain I felt during the process. This set me off on a true search for truth and a quest both physcially to bring up my children, heal myself and understand what had happened.

All these years later hindsight is amazing. My 1st wife on being releived of the pressure of parenting the children slowly regained her mental health. My second wife became my best friend she spent 3 years trying to work it out with new boyfriend before the broke up. We never got back together but I supported her through that crisis and now they are giving it another try.

My children flourished and I learned many many lessons that I will be ever grateful. I always had a spiritual interest but it wasnt of the intensity that let me get very far. The pain or crisis created that hunger and I made all the breakthroughs I could ever had imagined.

You cant tell good and bad luck in the moment, sometimes good precedes bad and visa versa. Attachment and love are completely different things, the pain that I suffered was attachement, it was the attachment born of the addict and the pain was that of kicking a habit.

When you realise the truth of this you will never truly feel this pain again as in many ways it is a delusive condition.

None of this makes any sense now but one day it will. xxxxxx

william harryman said...

Hey Zorro,

Thanks for sharing your story -- much appreciated.