But, as this brief article from the Internal Family Systems blog suggests, we can give the people in our lives permission to show up in all their complexity.
Giving Permission
Posted in Inner Critic on January 01, 2010 by Bonnie Weiss
Lately, I have been watching the tremendous impact that giving someone permission can have. I have just started working with a devoted mom who came to see me because of mild feelings of depression, a lack of energy, and a loss of purpose in her life. In our first session I gave her homework to stop at each decision-making juncture of her day and ask, “What do I want to do?” She was amazed to find that this simple practice lifted her heaviness. Her sense of vitality returned. She had been so focused on the needs of her family that she had stopped even thinking about her own desires. My giving her permission to tune into herself completely changed how she viewed day. She said, “I didn’t actually go to the movies any afternoon, but it was amazing to know that I could.”
We can appreciate those parts of us that keep us on track and focused our responsibilities, (Perfectionists and Taskmasters) but when they become dominant and critical, they can suck the life out of activities that would otherwise give us pleasure. They keep us from relaxing into a moments of satisfaction and enjoying our accomplishments.
These are inner critic parts that block the juice of playfulness, fun, and creativity. All it might take is someone on the outside to challenge this existing structure, by giving permission and, like a crack in the ice, the stream flows.
As therapists, or even friends, we often think that we have to come up with pearls of wisdom that enlighten or clarify things for people. Sometimes just giving people permission to tune into themselves is all that is needed to open a long-closed door.
Here’s a daily practice for the new year: Set the intention giving someone in your life permission each day to be more of themselves….whoever that is.
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