This was yesterday's Daily Om.
If OnlyIn my own life, I have found that when there is a persistent sense that things aren't working, that I am living in "If Only..." land, it's only rarely about the if only belief. Generally, there is something deeper at work.
Locating The Underlying Cause
Often, when we’re unhappy, we fall into the habit of thinking that, if only one or two particular things in our life would change, everything would be fine. We might focus on the fact that we need a new car, or a raise, or a change in our living situation. We dwell on this one thing and strategize, or complain, or daydream about what it would be like to have it. Meanwhile, underneath the surface, the real reason for our unhappiness sits unrecognized and unaddressed. And yet, if we are able to locate and explore the underlying cause of our discontent, all the surface concerns have a way of working themselves out in the light of our realization.
Maybe we really do just need a new car, and maybe moving to another city would improve our life situation. However, it can only help to take some time to explore what’s going on at a deeper level. Sometimes, when we take a moment and stop focusing on external concerns, we get to the heart of the matter. We might realize that all our lives we’ve been dissatisfied, grasping at one thing after another, only to be dissatisfied about something else once we get what we want. Or perhaps we’ll notice a pattern of running away from a place, or a relationship, when things get too hard. We might then wonder why this keeps happening, and how we might work through the difficulty rather than just escaping it. The point is, slowing down and turning our attention within can save us a lot of energy in the long run, because it is very often the case that there is no external change that will make us happy.
Once you’ve taken the time to inquire within, you can begin to make changes that address the deeper issue. This can be hard at first, especially if you’ve grown used to grasping for outside sources in order to quell your discontent, but in the end, you will be solving the problem at a deeper level, and it will be much less likely to recur.
Usually, if I am living in if only mind, there is some part (subpersonality) at work. If I can separate from it, and look at it objectively (as an object in my awareness), I can usually begin to understand what it really needs, rather than being caught up in its cravings.
In Buddhism, craving the source of attachment, and therefore of suffering. But when we begin to address the emptiness beneath the craving, we can begin to heal whatever wound that might be lurking there.
It's not easy to do this kind of work with ourselves, but it is certainly beneficial.
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