Political coverage from Andy Borowitz.
Hillary Vows to Stay in Race 100 Years
Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton stunned voters at a town hall meeting in Erie, Pennsylvania today by telling them that she was prepared to stay in the nomination fight for an additional century."How much longer will I stay in the race?" she responded to a voter's question. "Fifty years? How about one hundred years?"
When asked to clarify, Sen. Clinton replied, "I'll stay in this race for a thousand years. A million years. A billion years."Sen. Clinton added that she was refusing to announce an exit strategy from the race because "that would send the wrong message to the enemy."
The New York senator's comments echoed a strategy outlined in a recently leaked internal campaign memo, which calls for her to remain in the race long after the Democratic National Convention, even if Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) becomes the party's official nominee.
According to the memo, Sen. Clinton plans to follow Sen. Obama's campaign bus around in a Chevy Suburban in the hopes of running it off the road.
"If necessary, we will sideswipe or ram into his bus," the memo said. "Just really mess him up."
For her part, Sen. Clinton remained resolute at the town hall meeting, responding to a question about the recent surge in negative attacks her campaign has lobbed in Sen. Obama's direction: "What can I tell you? The surge is working."
Elsewhere, to inaugurate the 2008 Major League Baseball season, former pitching great Roger Clemens threw out the first syringe.
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