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Monday, August 06, 2007

I Suck at Dating

I went on my first (set up) date in many years on Saturday night. It all went well, but I was not at all interested in the person sitting across from me. I hate making small talk, but I can do it, especially when my social anxiety isn't acting up (and it doesn't when I have no interest in the person I am talking to).

But I generally know in the first few minutes of meeting someone if that person is someone I can click with. No such luck in this case. She was nice, smart, and funny, but not the person I wanted to be sitting across from. That's the part that sucks -- knowing I'd rather be with someone else.

I've decided that I'm not ready to start dating again right now. This is good to know since it will allow me some time to get head on straight, and it will not put me in situations where I might hurt someone's feelings.

The truth is that I suck at dating. I'd much rather build a relationship with someone I am already friends with. So, for now, I'm cool with being alone.


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6 comments:

  1. UnknownAugust 6, 2007 at 10:43 PM

    Get back out there, damn it! You're Buddha's gift to Tucson women!

    Go to a pick-up bar if dating is tedious.

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  2. AnonymousAugust 7, 2007 at 1:24 AM

    I think that's a really brave thing for you to admit to. I wish many of the men I end up on dates with would have the same kind of realisation. There's nothing worse than sitting across from the table with someone who's not available.

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  3. AnonymousAugust 7, 2007 at 3:25 AM

    C'mon, now: it's only "small talk" when you're not particularly interested in the person across from you. That date didn't go so well, but that says nothing about your experience with the next woman. Are you maybe conflating two very things: 1.) nervousness, social anxiety, wow! meeting new people and 2.) one, blah date in many years? The trick with dating is to be friendly and kind and (as much as is possible!) without expectations, ready to be surprised. So it doesn't always go well: disengage in a friendly and kind way and move on.

    Kai in NYC

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  4. AnonymousAugust 7, 2007 at 5:42 AM

    Dear Will, You are brave to have done that - eck. One of my best girlfriends did the speed dating thing.. that sounds better to me if I was out there, as just a few minutes is more bearable if it turns out all wrong. But anyways, she has now been with this great guy who she met speed dating and they have been together for over a year. But maybe you just are not ready. Be kind to yourself. Namaste, Helen

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  5. william harrymanAugust 7, 2007 at 8:23 AM

    Thanks for your thoughts, each of you.

    I find it interesting that the guys advocate getting back out there and keep trying, but the women suspect I might just need more time after my last relationship.

    I agree with the women. I only did this because a friend fixed me up. And well, because hope springs eternal.

    I'm still dealing with some fall-out from the last woman, so I think I probably need to just work that stuff out.

    And Tom: I can't do the pick-up bar thing -- not my interest.

    Peace all,
    Bill

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  6. AnonymousApril 27, 2008 at 5:08 PM

    I suck at it too!!!! But you already know that

    :)

    ReplyDelete