Satire: EPA Warns Human Beings No Longer Biodegradable

From The Onion -- this would be funnier if weren't nearly true.

EPA Warns Human Beings No Longer Biodegradable

July 26, 2007 | Issue 43•30

WASHINGTON, DC—The Environmental Protection Agency issued a bulletin Tuesday warning the bodies of American citizens, with their large concentrations of artificial, synthetic, and often toxic substances, have been reclassified as industrial waste.

"The average human body is now only 35 percent organic," EPA chief Ralph Sanderson said. "Due to changes brought about by modern detergents, silicone implants, and processed cheese food product, it is no longer safe to allow human tissue to come into contact with our nation's topsoil."

Sanderson said the EPA is seeking funding to construct a massive, federally managed human-body containment facility in the Mojave Desert to safely and viably store human remains.

Tags: The Onion, satire, EPA, biodegradable bodies, industrial waste