Today's Daily Om is pretty good (aside from a near statement that we are responsible for what happens to us). The idea that blaming is destructive I find to be quite useful and correct.
This could almost have been written for someone I know.
Burdensome Feelings
Blaming Others
As we begin to truly understand that the world outside of us is a reflection of the world inside of us, we may feel confused about who is to blame for the problems in our lives. If we had a difficult childhood, we may wonder how we can take responsibility for that, and in our current relationships, the same question arises. We all know that blaming others is the opposite of taking responsibility, but we may not understand how to take responsibility for things that we don’t truly feel responsible for. We may blame our parents for our low self-esteem, and we may blame our current partner for exacerbating it with their unconscious behavior. Objectively, this seems to make sense. After all, it is not our fault if our parents were irresponsible or unkind, and we are not to blame for our partner’s bad behavior.
Perhaps the problem lies with the activity of blaming. Whether we blame others or blame ourselves, there is something aggressive and unkind about it. It sets up a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward under the burdensome feelings of shame and guilt that arise. It also puts the resolution of our pain in the hands of someone other than us. Ultimately, we cannot insist that someone else take responsibility for their actions; only they can make that choice when they are ready. In the meantime, if we want to move forward with our lives instead of waiting around for something that may or may not happen, we begin to see the wisdom of taking the situation into our own hands.
We do this by forgiving our parents, even if they have not asked for our forgiveness, so that we can be free. We end the abusive relationship with our partner, who may never admit to any wrongdoing, because we are willing to take responsibility for how we are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we want to be loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of the wrongs committed against us in the hands of the universe, releasing ourselves to live a life free of blame.
So let's not blame each other, and as much as possible practice forgiveness. The Positivity Blog posted some good quotes on forgiveness this morning.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
Paul BooseWhen you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.
Catherine PonderThe remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbour as ourselves: we do unto others as we do unto ourselves. We hate others when we hate ourselves. We are tolerant toward others when we tolerate ourselves. We forgive others when we forgive ourselves. We are prone to sacrifice others when we are ready to sacrifice ourselves.
Eric HofferAlways forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar WildeWe read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends.
Sir. Francis BaconThe weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Mahatma GandhiMost of us can forgive and forget; we just don’t want the other person to forget that we forgave.
Ivern BallTo forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.
Robert MullerTrue forgiveness is not an action after the fact, it is an attitude with which you enter each moment.
David RidgeLet us forgive each other - only then will we live in peace.
Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy
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