This was yesterday's Daily Om:
Finding Unqualified HappinessI used to engage in a lot of if-only thinking. If only I had more money. If only I had a different job. If only I had a different partner. If only I had a different car. If only Bush would resign. If only . . . If only . . . If only . . . . I was trying to fill an unconscious need for inner peace by seeking outer things.
If Only
Since most of our experiences are rooted in cause and effect, we naturally want to justify our contentment. We envision grand circumstances, stating that if only we could achieve this goal or obtain that possession, we would finally be in a position to attain happiness. As a result, satisfaction is always just out of reach and the very notion of grabbing hold of it seems like nothing more than a pipe dream. But the truth is that sincere contentment and fulfillment are never wholly the result of external events or situations. Though life's joyful moments can ignite the spark of contentment within us, that spark is fueled by serenity long established in our souls. When we forget this, it is easy to become stuck in "if only" patterns of thought. If we concentrate on the natural serenity that exists within us, however, we can move forward unimpeded by disappointment.
The circumstances you live through each day have the potential to bring both joy and despair into your life. Relying on the reactions they awaken within you to create an emotional foundation means living on a roller coaster of feeling whose course is determined by chance. Though you may yearn for the object of your desire-be it a new job, financial health, a spouse, or some other symbol of success-you have within you the power to be happy without it. Letting go of your "if only" thinking patterns can be as easy as recognizing that inward emptiness cannot be dispelled with outer world solutions. Try creating a list of your "if only"s. Then literally and figuratively let go of the items on the list by tearing it up or burning it. This simple action can help set in motion the intention to set you free, enabling you to make a fresh and balanced start in the present, unencumbered by regrets and unfulfilled desires.
There will likely be periods in your life in which you find yourself tempted to seek a magic formula for fulfillment that is centered upon a single goal or achievement. But the ingredients that come together to form the seeds of happiness that can sustain your spirit throughout the triumphs and trials of existence come from within rather than from without. When your search for satisfaction is focused on your soul, you will never fail to find the joy you seek.
All of those things are worth striving for, but they are not worth putting my current life on hold to attain. When I decided to live in the present and do those things that make me a happier and better person (inner work, meditation, and so on), and let the future take care of itself, things started to fall into place.
For the first time in my life, I have the jobs I have always wanted (writer, trainer), I have a new partner I love and who loves me, and I just bought a better car than any I have owned before.
But I never spent a lot of time waiting for those things (well, OK, I struggled with the job thing for a couple of years before the pieces fell into place), or longing for those things. When I stopped grasping for what I didn't have, I created the space to do what was necessary to achieve those things.
It's one thing to create intention and then do what is needed, all from a place of feeling whole in who I am in the moment; but it's another thing to live with the "If only" mentality. And just to be clear, I don't see any of this as "the power of attraction" or whatever that "The Secret" nonsense claims.
I'm not saying I have all of this down and that I never grasp at a better future. But I am learning more and more each day to be present to who I am now and what I am about -- the more I do that, the easier it is to turn intention into reality.
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