Hundreds of Proofs that God Exists

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Here are a few of the hundreds of humorous proofs for God's existence. Most of these are just plain absurd, which is most certainly why I enjoy them.

TRANSCENDENTAL ARGUMENT, a.k.a. PRESUPPOSITIONALIST (I)
(1) If reason exists then God exists.
(2) Reason exists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I), a.k.a. DESIGN ARGUMENT
(1) Check out the world/universe/giraffe. Isn't it complex?
(2) Only God could have made them so complex.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Isn't that baby/sunset/flower/tree beautiful?
(2) Only God could have made them so beautiful.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE
(1) Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain the whole thing to you stupid Atheists — it's too complicated for you to understand. God exists whether you like it or not.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE
(1) Okay, I don't pretend to be as intelligent as you guys — you're obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothing you say can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in my heart, and you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life. "For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the world, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the earth." John 3:16.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION
(1) See this bonfire?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

PARENTAL ARGUMENT
(1) My mommy and daddy told me that God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GUITAR MASTERY
(1) Eric Clapton is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MISDEFINITION OF A RELIGION
(1) You don't want to be an evolutionist, do you?
(2) [Atheist explains that evolution is a scientific theory, not a religion]
(3) But you believe in it.
(4) That means you support Social Darwinism.
(5) And that's just yucky.
(6) I don't want to be yucky, so I can't support evolution.
(7) But I need some explanation for the origin of life.
(8) [Atheist: Evolution has nothing to do with—]
(9) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM "AMERICAN BEAUTY" (II)
(1) Thora Birch.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ASSUMPTION
(1) God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

Read the others. There are 540 or so of these.

Tags: Proofs for God, logical proofs, satire, humor, blasphemy