Satire: Mel Gibson Protests FAA's Ban on Liquids

From the twisted and brilliant mind of Andy Borowitz:

Mel Gibson Protests FAA's Ban on Liquids

Actor Enlists Support of Billy Joel, Liza Minnelli

Days after the Federal Aviation Administration issued a ban on passengers bringing liquids on board flights in their carryon luggage, actor Mel Gibson came forward to vehemently protest the FAA's new restrictions.

At a press conference in Malibu today, the "Braveheart" star said today that banning liquids on board planes was an example of "persecution at its worst."

"There are many examples of people for whom liquids are an important, life-sustaining part of their daily routine," Mr. Gibson said. "To keep them from bring those liquids on flights is tantamount to cruel and unusual punishment."

The actor added, "I'm all for profiling, but this is discrimination against all Americans who really need liquids."

The actor said he had enlisted many other prominent members of the entertainment industry to join in his protest of the FAA's liquid ban, including the singers Billy Joel and Liza Minnelli.

"There is no way that Billy, Liza and I are getting on board a plane without our liquids," he said. "That just isn't going to happen."

Mr. Gibson took his argument one step further, saying that when he learned about the FAA's ban he felt that it was "yet another conspiracy to single me out personally."

When asked who he thought was behind the conspiracy, Mr. Gibson was not specific, but added, "Let's just put it this way -- they're banning liquids on flights, but they haven't touched the kosher meals."

Elsewhere, President Bush ordered the Homeland Security Department to launch a full investigation to determine whether terrorists could smuggle snakes on a plane.

Tags: andy borowitz, satire, mel gibson