Exercise: Working with Attachment

[This is cross-posted at the Integral Relationship pod at Zaadz.]

Is it possible to love our partners without being attached to a certain view of who they are? Is it possible to reclaim the projections with which we have imbued our partners?

The following is an exercise adapted from a traditional Buddhist meditation on working with attachment to a person. Those who are currently single can explore the same sense of attachment by substituting a close friend.

ATTACHMENT TO A PERSON

- Bring to mind person you feel very attached to, a lover or good friend.
- How does it feel if you think of him or her?
- Is it a feeling of freedom or bondage to think of this person?
- Is he or she as perfect as I want to be?
- Am I sure this person will forever be a good friend/lover of mine? Am I actually such a perfect friend/lover?
- Am I attached to this human being or to a fantasy of the perfect friend/lover?
- Is this person an ordinary human being like me, with some good and some bad qualities?
- In what way is this person really different from any other, with some good and some bad qualities?
- Do I tend to exaggerate this persons good qualities, is he / she always nice, warm, friendly?
- Does exaggeration not always lead to disappointment?
- What is the essence of this person who I like? Is it the mind that I will never fully understand, or the body; a skin, holding blood, flesh and bones together?

What happens when you do this meditation? How do you feel?
Can you separate your partner (or friend) from the attachments you feel to him/her?

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