tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13617569.post114893437782588536..comments2024-03-27T02:13:58.088-07:00Comments on Integral Options Cafe: Exercise: Discovering Subpersonalitieswilliam harrymanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06981478282688361274noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13617569.post-1149024192804669172006-05-30T14:23:00.000-07:002006-05-30T14:23:00.000-07:00Great observation, Kai. The next question, then, e...Great observation, Kai. The next question, then, especially as someone who is working toward greater levels of awareness, is how much is the ego involved in defining yourself as disciplined and structured?<BR/><BR/>I think looking at the way you feel about the lack of structure and discipline from an observer self viewpoint (in meditation as you suggest) is probably the best approach right now. Maybe over time, you can separate out the growth impulse and its need for structure and discipline from anything that might be tied into a subpersonality/ego attachment. Or maybe you'll find something else entirely. That's why I like this stuff.<BR/><BR/>Sounds like cool work.<BR/><BR/>Peace,<BR/>Billwilliam harrymanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06981478282688361274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13617569.post-1148995999089852672006-05-30T06:33:00.000-07:002006-05-30T06:33:00.000-07:00I no longer have any physical objects it would hur...I no longer have any physical objects it would hurt very much to lose, nor do I feel any sort of emphatic connection to any aspect of my outward identity (race, religion, sexuality, gender, career, nationality, etc.) but I never realized until this exchange how much identity I have tied up in my sense of being self-disciplined and conscious. Those are precious beyond words to me. <BR/><BR/>At the moment, it feels as if I don't WANT any lessening of the discipline in my life or the consciousness; those are the pillars that support the integrity of the whole edifice of my life. Weaken them somehow? Part of the problem is I think I've developed real discipline: that is, a discipline which recognizes that allowances regularly have to be made, and yet the overarching structure can remain in place. <BR/><BR/>I don't mind allowances: watching TV for 10 hours straight on the occasional Saturday, skipping a week at the gym because of exhaustion/apathy once a season, or a slice of red velvet cake here and there. It's the lack of that over-arching structure--a life composed solely of "allowances"-- I feel so much contempt for, and guard against. At the moment I'm at a lost for addressing that contempt (a hideous feeling; even worse when it's coming from the inside directed towards others) while not also losing what's most valuable to me. I guess it's something to interrogate and work with in meditation.<BR/><BR/>Kai in NYCAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13617569.post-1148956544777390722006-05-29T19:35:00.000-07:002006-05-29T19:35:00.000-07:00Excellent! Thanks for posting your observations, K...Excellent! Thanks for posting your observations, Kai.<BR/><BR/>First thing is that the primary and the disowned are both subpersonalities. The higher self, "aware ego," or observer self is the core self who can integrate the subs and get them to work together.<BR/><BR/>With a disowned self, the key is to reclaim the projection, which generally means to honor its needs in some way. For example, using the sub you identified (one that I have as well), this part of you may need to be less structured and discplined. It might need to cut loose once in a while and just not be so responsible and dedicated to being conscious.<BR/><BR/>The trick is to give it some of what it needs while not hurting yourself in the process. Play hookey from work one day, watch cartoons or something else that is a "guilty pleasure" on the TV. Have some cheesecake one day, or a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Whatever it is, find a way to not be disciplined and responsible in a way that is not harmful.<BR/><BR/>If you can honor the needs of a disowned sub, it won't feel as foreign and "other." As it gets more integrated, it will cease to be something that can push your buttons. <BR/><BR/>In order to talk with a disowned sub, it helps to disidentify with the primary sub. The higher self exercise I posted a couple of days ago is a good way to disidentify with subs and get to that core self who can observe them. Meditation can do it as well.<BR/><BR/>It is hard work at first, but it gets easier. I promise.<BR/><BR/>Peace,<BR/>Billwilliam harrymanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06981478282688361274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13617569.post-1148955393357052672006-05-29T19:16:00.000-07:002006-05-29T19:16:00.000-07:00I seemed to have disowned the self who blunders an...I seemed to have disowned the self who blunders and smashes the physical and spiritual artifacts in his surround with massive unself-consciousness, proffering only absent-minded, insincere apologies if confronted; the one who adores chemical oblivion, luxurious sloth, TV binge-watching, and never, ever to do independent thinking, from struggling with the difficult ideas every human must face individually, to thinking a milisecond before asking where in the world is the thing that, even now, is there in my hand.<BR/><BR/>My primary self is the one who keeps the flood lights of (self) consciousness and (self) scrutiny at full blast at all times, with a ferocious regime of physical discipline--and occasional bouts of intellectual and emotional discipline.<BR/><BR/>The primary and the sub are implacable enemies: how do you get them to talk to each other?<BR/><BR/>(That was exhausting!)<BR/><BR/>Kai in NYCAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com